My First Post in 2013

I'm back! after such a long haitus! hahaha Guess i'm gonna start with a really emotional & short post today, the fact that it stills hurt me after two months. I broke up with someone whom i really love. And till now, it hurts so bad even after i initiated the last final talk and apparently, i scolded him a jerk during the talk. He broke up with me too suddenly. We've planned alot for us, for our future, honestly...even till marriage. In a way, i've always thought that we were fated given that our initials were ALJY. It something thats hard to find. Its just really unique. And i've always believed that fate had brought both of us together. It was really harsh of me to actually scolded him a jerk , but to think of the hurtful things that he's done...it really makes me pissed off. And,I cannot forget him at all. that sucks more. We did share happy memories together as a couple, and i really do miss him. Given that i was his longest relationsip & he was my first relationship, those memories were hard to let go so easily. He said he was the only child and was able to suck it up. Seriously? -.- If you really love a person, you wont let the person go. But he said "I really love you so i'll have to let you go. Someone else would be better and can really make you happy. Because i cannot make you happy." FUCK. like i dont really care, as long as i can be with you, thats all that matters. these are all simple excuses. THE PART YOU CLAIM YOU STILL LOVE ME. whats this? he didnt wanna try to save US. I did. I got 'hit' 4 times by 4 of our closest friends who had been helping me to speak up to him, but it didnt work. In the end, i had 4 bad news that came on hitting me real hard. Things like, " he still loves you but he doesnt wanna get back together to you." He is so carefree now, he is happy. But i always ask myslef..am i really happy or just putting on a front that got everyone fooled? I have no idea. I'm slowly letting him go, to adjust to my life without him. Its so hard that i will miss you so bad. BUT the question is "do i miss him" or "do i miss the memories with him?" this question ..i'm really unsure of. After that breakup, i've learned alot. I've gained many more friends who are there for me, more sociable, more prejudiced against guys( nahh..KIDDING ONLY AH!), learn to care for the other people around me, care about myself and all. I've changed, all because of that one guy. I'm now a better person. But, if given a choice, i hope we'll become what we used to be. For you to change back to that OLD ADRIAN. And, i hope that fate will really bring us back together again. We may not be togther now but who knows in future?